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Brisbane may have been fortunate enough to become a fairly safe, metropolitan city over the years, but there’s no reason you can’t mess with the status quo… or at least pretend so, by sniping around in camouflage gear as if it were Tomorrow When The War Began (great Australian book about Australia becoming a warzone overnight – check it out!).

That’s right, or as the French (don’t) call it, Boules l’paint, where the subservient become dominant, and the dominant become hyperdominance deluxe. It is as clear as the day is gay that paintball is a man’s manly activity, and the essence of being a woman. Need I say more?

If it please you, I’d like to talk some more about Paintball: There are myriad paintball fields in Brissie, though if you’ve been to more than one skirmish in your life you’ll know the drill, so to speak. It goes one of two ways – you, as a singular assassin or member of a special forces unit turn up to a larger routine game (morning afternoon or evening) and jump right into the fray, OR, you search the corners of the earth for enough people to have a private booking. That’s a large number of people for most places, but if you can pull it off, it’s worth it.

Alright, you’ve located some gun-polishing eyebrow raising Clint Eastwood movie-loving hooligans and you’re at the foot of the field. Tip uno: Leave the high fashion at home. Sure, the paint shot marks wash out, but do you really want to roughen up your fabrics with that, let alone with falling over and army dives et cetera? Bring a spare outfit, too – it’ll be nice to ride home in the train without people thinking you’re Lady Gaga. Tip duo: Hide your wallet, phone and keys back home. The hostel of communist-thinking travelers is safer than the place where people go to shoot each other. That’s just my opinion. Tip trio: Extra cash means extra bullets. You’ll have the option of buying in-game, and you’re going to want to be able to afford that option. It’d be a nice advantage to have over your enemies, too, wouldn’t it?

Oh, you’re on the field already? Hopefully you’ve figured out that wearing multiple layers is as good as you’re going to get to a bulletproof vest, but creme de la creme of injury-prevention is of course Don’t Take Off The Mask. Got that?

Despite these caveats, you’re going to get your rights read to you by the paintball instructors, who’ve no doubt seen “scrubs” and “noobs” of your ilk many a time before; don’t worry about being new. You’ll observe the regulars – they’re the ones with their own twelve-thousand-gadget guns – these are the people to try and get on your team when you’re split in two. But nevermind, you’re going to get shot to pieces and ache for weeks to come, no matter who you run away from. Paintball – that’s why we do it.

Oh, and seriously – if you’re not over 15, that’s something to look forward to for later in life, but not right now (There’s a definite physical disadvantage and the youngins tend to get targeted). Hey, I don’t make the rules. Have fun!

This article is thanks to Alex Windsor’s free resource website Totally Brisbane where you can find out more information about Skirmish Brisbane.